It's Just A Sky Of Silver Grey
by adii1201
Summary: Eddie's holding Lynette hostage and she's going into labor. This is how I wanted the season finale to be.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own DH. I wish I did, though. But seriously, I don't.  
**Note:** Since I'm completely pissed about the season finale I decided to try and write what I hoped would happen on the episode. So this takes place at the end of season 6. Hope you'll like it! Reviews will be great!

_**It's Just A Sky Of Silver Grey**_

"_I swear to god, I don't care about you right now. All I care about it this baby. Please" _

She didn't notice it but when she said that something inside of him just lit up. She didn't mean to hurt him but at that moment she couldn't care less about anything but her baby. She carried her for 8 months. Her and Patrick. And she already lost him. She couldn't lose her too, not now, not like this.

"_I thought you're different" _Eddie whispered but she didn't hear him. For some reason he let himself believe that she was the woman he was waiting for all his life. He hoped she'd change him, change who he is. He just forgot the fact the he was holding her hostage when she did nothing to deserve it. Still. He wasn't planning on hurting her but now that she said what she said he wasn't planning on helping her either.

"_Eddie, please. She's the most important thing for me, I can't lose her. You have to take me to the hospital!" _She cried. She couldn't let this happen. She was so mad at herself for not seeing who Eddie was before but more than that, she was so angry he actually wanted to hurt her after everything she did for him. And as a matter of fact, she couldn't care less whether he'd kill her or not. She only wanted her baby to live, no matter what.

"_Lynette? Honey, are you here?" _Tom called from the front door. He was looking for her all day and he finally spotted her car next to Eddie's house. He was relieved to know she's at Eddie's. He thought, just like everyone else, that this was a safe place to be in and that Eddie was nothing but a nice teenager that had rough childhood.

Lynette was about to scream. Something. Anything. She kept wishing Tom would save her and he was finally there. But before she let out a sound Eddie wrapped his arm around her neck and used his other hand to cover her mouth. _"Shut up!"_ he whispered in her ear. She began fighting him, trying to release herself from his grip, wanting Tom to hear her but Eddie was stronger than her and she was in labor. Tears began rolling down her cheeks as she saw Tom's shadow disappear from behind the door. She yelled one last time, hoping he would hear her, wishing he'd understand what she was saying.

He turned around and walked back to the front door. The house was once again quiet but not for long. Eddie removed the hand that was covering her mouth, thinking Tom left. She fell to the sofa, unable to stand through another contraction. She cried again, not even sure if it was due to the pain or because she realized no one will save her now. But Tom heard her. He rushed through the door and entered the house. Eddie's arm was still around Lynette's neck and it was obvious he was planning to hurt her.

"_Move away from her right now or I swear to god I'll kill you"_ Tom said as he slowly came closer to them.

"_Eddie, please. It's over."_ Lynette cried.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Note:**__ Thanks for the reviews! You make me keep writing, so keep them coming  
I forgot to mention that this: [...] means it's a flashback taken somewhen before the regular storyline. The flashback in this episode takes place after Patrick's death and before the season finale._

_"It's not over till I say it's over"_ Eddie whispered in her ear and tightened his grip around her neck.

She tried fighting him, longing for air, but it was Tom who managed to move Eddie away from her. He pushed him to the wall, tugging his shirt as he pressed him against it.

_"I told you to move away from her you little asshole" _he screamed right before he punched Eddie.

_"Tom"_ Lynette called.

But he didn't hear her. He was too busy beating Eddie, screaming at him for even trying to hurt the love of his life. _"How could you do this to her? You son of a bitch!" _He yelled again, this time smothering him.

_"Tom, please!" _Lynette tried again.

_"She gave you everything!"_ Eddie began choking but Tom didn't let go.

_"Ouuch!"_ Lynette screamed. It was another contraction but for some reason the pain was worse than ever.

_"Lynnie!" _Tom called. Her scream was enough for him to leave Eddie and rush over to her. _"Sweetie, what's wrong?" _He asked as he took her hand.

_"Tom the baby's coming. I need to get to the hospital. Please" _She pleaded. She could bear the pain and the fear but she couldn't bear the thought of losing her baby.

Tom nodded, grabbing the phone and calling for help. _"They'll be here soon. Don't worry."_ He whispered in her ear and kissed the top of her head.

[…]

_"I see. Ok, thanks Dr. Altman" Lynette said and hung up the phone. She took a deep breath as she settled back in bed. She was in pain all week and the test results finally came in. There was nothing wrong with the baby. _

_"Is everything alright?" Tom asked. He noticed how her look changed, how pale she got. _

_"Yes. She said the baby's alright" she answered and forced a smile._

_"Lynette… You don't look good. If the baby's alright why are you still so worried?" _

_She slowly turned her look to Tom, wanting to avoid his eyes but failing. "The baby's alright. I'm not."_

_His eyes opened wide. "What do you mean? What's wrong with you?" _

_"I have Placental abruption. She said the baby's fine but I'm bleeding. There's a chance I won't make it through the birth." She said quietly and watched as Tom's face change slowly as he realized she's now in danger._

_"What? How?" He mumbled._

_"I don't know. It doesn't matter. We can't do anything but hope everything will be ok." She said and tenderly kissed his lips. She knew his mind was probably searching for options, for ways to save her. She knew he was probably thinking she shouldn't have this baby. But she didn't want to hear. There was nothing she could do about it. Nothing she actually wanted to do. After all, it was just the start of the closing line._

[…]


	3. Chapter 3

The police took Eddie, the ambulance took her. Tom was on her side, holding her hand. He dreaded this moment since the day she told him she's in danger. He loved their baby but he loved Lynette more. But he knew there's no point in telling Lynette that. She would never do anything to hurt the baby, and, unfortunately for Tom, Lynette loved the baby more than she loved herself. So he just kept praying, for months now, hoping everything will be alright at the end.

_"Tom, why are you so quiet?" _Lynette asked as they drove to the hospital.

He didn't answer. He just squeezed her hand and smiled, hoping it would stop him from crying.

she rested her free hand on his cheek, slowly caressing it. _"Baby... Come on, we're tough. I'm tough. Everything will be alright"_

Tom didn't believe her but he didn't have a choice and he knew he had to keep his worries to himself and show her it's ok. She was already in a fragile place, the last thing he wanted to do was something that would risk her or the baby. He nodded and smiled, leaning to her and kissing her softly.

They arrived to the hospital and she was taken to the delivery room. Tom was right next to her, still holding her hand. His heart was beating fast, his mind going places he really didn't want to go. He kept thinking this could be the last time he held her hand, the last time he talked to her. He kept thinking it was her last day she'd spend with him, the last day she'd spend alive. But he said nothing. He fixated his eyes on her, staring deep into her blue eyes and felt as his body slowly relaxed. She still managed to do this to him, to make him forget every little problem he had with just her eyes looking at him.

_"Hi Lynette. How are you?"_ Dr. Altman asked as she entered the room.

Lynette smiled. _"Well, you know, I'm about to give birth so not so good" _She said and giggled.

The nurse smiled back and settled in her chair next to Lynette's legs. _"Well, then let's deliver this baby. Push when you're ready"_ She said and smiled warmly.

Lynette nodded and was about to push before Tom told her to wait. _"What? What is it?" _Lynette asked.

_"We have a tradition"_ Tom said and caressed her cheek.

_"You're right"_ Lynette smiled.

Tom slowly brought his lips closer to her ear and whispered _"Good luck baby. I love you"_. She closed her eyes and smiled. He then brought his lips to hers and she whispered _"I love you too" _before he kissed her lips.


	4. Chapter 4

**Note:** First of, thanks for all the reviews! You really keep me writing even when I don't really feel like it!  
And just as a reminder, the things between the [...] is a flashback to somewhen between Patrick's death and Lynette entering Eddies' house.  
So anyway, here it is. Hope you'll like it. Reviews will be great!

She began pushing, squeezing Tom's hand every time.

_"Lynette stop"_ The doctor said. The room suddenly went quiet. Not everyone in the room was aware of what was going on. But Lynette did. The doctor whispered to the nurse to book the O.R. and then turned her look to Lynette and Tom. _"This is the moment we've been dreading of, Lynette. We talked about this. We need to get you to an O.R."_

Lynette nodded. It's true, they have talked about it and her doctor warned her about this. It's just that Lynette chose to push it to the back of her mind, convincing herself that it's nonsense, that she'd be ok come the birth. But the issue surfed up again, and there wasn't much to do then. She couldn't avoid it anymore nor did she care what would happen to her. She needed to make sure of one thing before going to surgery. That her baby will be alright and that no matter what she'd come first with whatever treatment they'd both need. She made her doctor promise her she won't let her baby die, regarding Tom's thoughts of feelings on the matter. And it's not that he wanted their baby dead but to be honest, if he had to choose, he would've chosen her without blinking. But he knew this is one argue he'd never win no matter what.

She was wheeled out of the room and towards the O.R. Tom was holding her hand, his gaze was set on her the whole time. The nurse stopped right before the entrance and it was Tom's mark to say goodbye. He wasn't allowed in there.

_"Tom, just remember that I love you."_ Lynette said and smiled. She slowly caressed his cheek, then resting her hand around his neck.

_"No. Don't you dare do that. This is not goodbye. You're going to come out of there and you're going to be fine. Don't even think about leaving me!" _He knew he shouldn't be so worked up in front of her, that she needed him to be strong but he refused to let her go in there so defeated, so ready to give up. He kissed her firmly and hoped it was enough to make her at least fight. She nodded back since there was nothing she could say or wanted to. She let go of his hand and he left standing there as she was taken away and the doors behind her closed.

[…]

_"Tom have you seen my jewelry box? I can't find it anywhere" Lynette called from their closet. _

_"I have it" Tom said. He was standing right behind her but she didn't hear him._

_"Oh jeez! You scared the crap out of me!" She said. "Why do you have it?" she continued as she tried standing up._

_Tom gave her a hand and led her to bed, where she should've been after her surgery. "Thanks" she whispered. "Well?" she said was she settled in._

_"I was looking for something and I came across this" He said and handed her a picture. _

_It was her latest ultrasound. The one she did just a few days before the accident. The one who still had Patrick in. She took the picture out of his hand and stared at it for a few minutes. _

_Tom sat there in silence. It's been a week since Patrick died and he was trying to give her time to deal with it but she wasn't sharing him. And he knew she spent hours in their closet looking at this picture, thinking he didn't know. _

_"Why would you go over my stuff?" She asked, the sound of annoyance in her voice. _

_"I didn't have to go over your stuff, I knew where you kept it. But why are you ashamed of that? It's ok, you know, to grieve."_

_"Gosh" She snorted and shook her head. "Did you maybe think I don't want to grieve?" _

_"Lynette…"_

_"No! No, Tom! Ever since I got out of the hospital you treat me as if I'm about to break. Let it go! Let me go! I mean, god! I don't want to talk about it! And I don't need to grieve. So can you please just drop it?" _

_It took him a few seconds to shake the shock out of his face. He didn't realize she would get so angry over this. "Ok, fine, but I really don't get why you're so mad at me"._

_"Because you won't leave me alone! God, Tom, you even went over my things. What's next, huh? You're going to force me to go to therapy? I can't…" she stopped talking and tried to catch her breath. "I can't stand it anymore" she said, now more calmly. _

_His eyes scanned her, trying to read her movements, her thoughts. She was in pain, both physically and mentally, that he could tell. He just couldn't find whether she really didn't want him to be there for her or if it was just her regular way of pushing anyone who tried to come closer. But for her sake he decided to drop it. It wasn't worth risking her health over this. He would find a way. Another way. "Ok. Then we won't talk about this anymore. I promise" He said. _

_"Thank you." She answered._

_"Can you at least rest a little? You need to take care of yourself" _

_"Ok" she said. It was as if she was willing to give up on that as a thank you that he dropped the other thing. _

_He bent down and kissed her forehead and she closed her eyes, slowly drifting into sleep._

[…]

_"Mr. Scavo" _Dr. Altman said as she rested her hand on Tom's shoulder. He turned around, not even sure he wanted to do that, and said nothing.

_"We couldn't save her, I'm so sorry"_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Sorry for taking so long. For some reason I feel kinda stuck with this fic. Thanks for all the great comments, you really keep me writing! So I hope you'll like it, but either way tell me what you think! Quick reminder: Things between the […] are flashbacks

_Chapter 5_

"_What?"_ Tom said as he tried to get himself together.

"_Your baby, we couldn't save her"_ the doctor answered.

He hated himself at that moment more than anything. When the doctor said they couldn't save her he thought she meant Lynette. Of course she meant Lynette, she was the only one in danger. All along the baby was the safe one and Lynette left specific orders not to do anything to save her but to do every possible thing to save her daughter. But then the doctor said it's his baby. His baby girl, who he loved deeply, who he wanted so badly to meet. But at that moment he was the happiest man alive to know she's the one he lost and not Lynette. And he hated himself. She was his daughter. It's not like he wished her death, it's not like he wanted her dead but since Lynette announced she's in danger and he realized there's a choice that need to be made, he knew he would choose Lynette. But it wasn't much of his choice to make, Lynette didn't really ask him. So he just sat in the waiting room for hours and prayed he didn't lose Lynette. He didn't pray for his baby, he didn't feel the need to. He just wanted Lynette to be ok, regardless of anything else. And now she was, and he was thrilled. But his baby was dead yet he was still thrilled. He hated himself. He really did.

"_Mr. Scavo?"_ Dr. Altman said as she tried to get Tom's attention back.

"_What happened? How's my wife?"_ he fired.

"_Your wife was losing a lot of blood and in order to get to the baby we had to stop the bleeding. By the time we managed to do that, we found out the unbiblical cord got wrapped around her neck probably during the birth and her air supply stopped for over an hour and it was just too late. We did what your wife asked us but when we lost the baby we tried everything to save your wife. She's still in a critical condition and is receiving blood units but she'll be fine."_

"_When can I see her?"_ Tom asked.

"_Not now. We're afraid she'd catch an infection so we have to keep her isolated until she gets all the blood units she needs. It'll take a while but I'll come get you when it's possible." _Dr. Altman answered and smiled.

"_Thanks"_ Tom answered and slowly went back to his chair. His wife was ok. The nightmare is over, or so he thought. He managed, again, to forget that he lost his baby. Again.

[…]

"_So Polly it is?" Lynette asked, her eyes letting him know she wouldn't stop until she gets what she wanted._

"_No! I hate this name! Come on Lynette! It's not fair, you always choose the name, at least let's decide on this one together."_

"_Fine. But I love Polly and you don't have anything else!" Lynette frowned._

"_Why did we go with P again?" Tom asked as he fell back to the couch next to Lynette._

"_Well, because you decided to be the most charming guy in the world and would leave me these notes all over my office every single day, signing 'P.S, I love you". That's when we decided that we would name all of our kids with a name that starts with P. That way they're all P.S, all reminding me of how much I love you. Not that I need any reminder" Lynette said and smiled_

_Tom leaned forward to her and softly kissed her lips. "When you put it that way…" he smiled and kissed her again. "So we're still stuck with nothing but Polly"_

"_Yep" Lynette nodded. _

"_Ok so I'm just gonna throw every name I know that starts with P, tell me if you like something…"_

"_Done" Lynette smiled._

_He began throwing names and with each name Lynette would give him a look he was so used to seeing. He knew it meant she hated it and that he should probably look for another name. _

"_Paige" he said._

_Her eyes lightened. A smile spread across her face. "Paige" she repeated._

"_You like it?" Tom asked, surprised._

"_Yes!" Lynette answered, already excited._

"_Me too!"_

"_Really? Tom, you like this name?" _

"_Yes" he smiled warmly._

"_Then Paige it is" she said as she slowly moved closer to kiss him. _

"_Paige it is" Tom answered and covered her mouth with his._

[…]


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N**: First I wanna say thanks for all of you who are reviewing this fic! It really keeps me going so don't stop! Now, I know it took me forever, I'm sooo sorry! Another thing, a friend of mine (my god she's so freakin talented) made a trailer for this fic, so if you wanna watch (you should! It's AMAZING!) it's on youtube under the fic's name (sorry, I can't post a link for some reason) . Anyway, I hope you'll like it!

He was sitting on the same chair for hours. He tried sleeping but his mind was too busy with thoughts about her, about his kids and about the babies he'd never meet. Every time he saw a nurse or a doctor approaching the waiting area he was sure they're there to call him. But they weren't and he just kept waiting. He needed to see her just to really know she's ok. He needed to see her just to make sure she's not falling apart while he's not there. He needed to see her, he needed to touch her. He just needed to be with her. And then he was let in to her room. But she was still sleeping. He looked at her and he couldn't help but feel sad. She was sleeping so soundlessly, as if everything is just the way it should be, not knowing that once she'd wake up her whole world would be shattered, her whole life would change forever. He pictured a million things that could happen once he'd tell her, but he couldn't foresee the future and he couldn't change the past.

He took a chair and placed it near her bed and then took her hand and held on to it. He, somehow, felt better with her hand in his. He rested his head on her bed, next to their hands and closed his eyes. He didn't think he'd fall asleep but he just wanted to rest a little. After all, that he knew for sure, once she'd wake up neither of them would get much rest.

She moved slightly, still not opening her eyes. He jumped, thinking she's awake. He stood up and kissed her forehead, whispering _"I love you" _as he did that.

"_I love you too"_ She answered.

He smiled softly and closed his eyes. _The closing line is now_, he thought to himself. He pressed his lips against hers, slowly tasting her, slowly kissing her. _"I'm so glad you're here"_ He breathed on her mouth.

She smiled, wanting to respond but he gave her no chance. He kissed her again and again and again, until he finally moved away from her, letting her catch her breath.

"_Have you seen her already? I want to see her"_ Lynette smiled, eager.

Tom's face changed in a second. For just a moment he forgot she didn't know. He wanted to forget. For just a moment he wanted them to be really happy. But this snapped him back to reality, not leaving him any choice but to answer her questions and deal with the consequences.

"_Lynnie, baby, I, they wouldn't let me see her, she's… She didn't make it" _He managed to whisper, too afraid she'd actually hear what he just said.

"_What? Why? What happened? Why am I here and she's not? I told you and I told the doctors I don't want them to save me over her!"_ She began screaming and crying.

"_Sweetie they did what you asked them. Dr. Altman said they did their best to save her but you were bleeding and it was just too late by the time they got to her. There was nothing they could've done. They only treated you after she…"_ He couldn't bring himself to finish this sentence. He couldn't bring himself to say the word "died" about his own daughter. He just couldn't.

"_What happened to her?"_ Lynette asked, her tone cold and she was clearly mad.

"_The umbilical cord…"_ He answered without adding much.

She dried her tears and turned her look straight to him. _"I hate you, Tom"_ she said, cold and blank.

"_What?" _He asked. He looked at her surprised, mortified, hurt.

"_I really hate you! You did this to me! I didn't want any more kids and then we lost Patrick and now her and you! You wanted me to live so badly that now she's dead. It's your fault and I hate you!" _She screamed, her tears now covering her face.

"_Lynette! I didn't kill them and I didn't want them dead. I'm not going to tell you I'm not thrilled you're ok, this would be a lie, but am I glad she's dead? No! And you can't put that blame on me. You can't blame me for loving you!" _He shouted back, having tears in his eyes as well.

"_If you really love me, you should've wished she'd live, not me" _She whispered.

"_Would you have given up on me for someone else?"_ Tom asked, staring to the floor, not being able to actually see her face at that moment.

She didn't answer. She knew deep down the answer was no. She would've done anything to keep him with her forever but she expected him to love her enough to keep her from having to deal with all this pain. And he knew it wasn't his fault but it was so much easier to blame him, to have someone to take the fault, to have someone she could hate.

He sat there, in complete silence. He couldn't decide which would've hurt more: hearing her answer 'yes' to his question or not getting any answer at all? And wasn't silence a sign of agreement to his words? Either way, he felt his heart breaking into million pieces, his whole world crashing down on him. He wanted to speak, to tell her how unfair she is, how much she's hurting him and if she's even aware of that and of how much he loves her. But he couldn't bear to open his mouth, he couldn't make a sound come out. He could only let silent tears fall from his eyes, he could only stare at the floor and pray that in the morning she'd realize what she'd done and maybe, just maybe, come back to her senses.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N**: I'm really sorry I'm taking so long with this fic, I don't know why but I'm kinda stuck with it.  
Besides, I wanted to say thank you again for all your comments, it can totally make my day reading them. So here's the next one, hope you'll like it.

[…]

It was morning and the sun was slowly creeping into the room. Tom spent the night on the chair next to her bed. He wasn't even sure why, but he just couldn't go and leave her alone. No matter how much she hurt him last night, and no matter how angry he was at her, she needed him.

She slowly opened her eyes, taking a few minutes to adjust to the light. She slept. She couldn't believe it but she actually fell asleep. Her back was turned to him, it's how she spent the night. It was easier to stare at the wall than to stare at him. She moved a little, trying to get comfortable in bed, and her hand rested lightly on her stomach. And it suddenly hit her. Her belly was gone, her baby was dead. She began sobbing quietly, only now facing her loss.

He saw her body shaking and heard her cries but did nothing at first. If she wanted his comfort, she would've turned around. But he then realized they're both angry and both hurt and that she would never ask him for comfort, even if she really needed it.

He stood up from his chair and carefully stepped into bed with her. He laid his hand on her arm but she made no move. _"Lynette, turn around." _He whispered. She made no move. _"Lynette, come on. Let me hold you"_ He tried again, this time leaning more closely to her. She slowly turned around, not sure if she even wanted to. He took her in his arms and she rested her head on his chest, her tears now soaking in his shirt. He rubbed her arm and kept her close to him but he said nothing. There really wasn't anything he could say. He was hurting just as much as she was so he knew very well that words wouldn't help. It took a while but he finally managed to calm her down. Yet neither of them moved. It was a few hours later that she mumbled something he couldn't understand.

_"What?"_ he asked and looked down at her.

_"I need to go to the bathroom"_ She said again, this time more clearly.

He realized why she whispered before. She needed his help since she wasn't allowed on her feet just yet. So he stood up from the bed and bent down to pick her up. He carefully carried her to the bathroom and then back to her bed. He placed her there but her arms didn't let go of him and she just pulled him closer to her, letting her lips coyly cover his. He kissed her back, his hands wrapping around her neck and slowly pulling her closer to him. But then he suddenly pushed her away and took a step back.

_"I can't do this Lynette"_

_"What? You can't do what, Tom?" _

_"This. Us kissing, I can't"_

_"Last time I checked we were still married, so I don't get this" _Her face changed from sad to angry and hurt.

_"Yeah, but for how much longer, huh?" _

_"Tom what are you saying?" _Lynette asked and she suddenly felt frightened.

_"You hate me. You blame me for this horrible thing that happened and you hate me. I figured next step would be a divorce. It's what you want, us falling apart, isn't it?"_

She took a moment to let the words he just said sink in. She never meant to say she wanted them to separate. Or get a divorce. She's hurting, and upset, and for some irrational reason she blamed him for that. And said things she probably didn't mean. But it had nothing to do with divorce. It was the last thing she wanted right now.

_"No, Tom, I don't. I don't want you to leave me, I never said that"_ She stared at the floor, trying as hard as she could to swallow back her tears and not let him see what it's doing to her.

_"No, you just couldn't decide whether you'd let me go for someone else or not. Look, I know you're hurting and you're grieving and maybe you didn't mean what you said last night but it hurt me real bad and I can't play these games with you. I can't have my heart broken and then just wait for you to pick up the pieces. I love you, and I get what you're going through. I don't know why you're blaming me, or why you think I'm not hurting over this as well. She was my baby, my daughter too. And yes, I wanted you to live, and yes, I wanted you to have an abortion in order to save your life, but it doesn't mean I wanted her dead. I had to choose and this was my choice and you can hate me as much as you want but that wouldn't change the fact that I love you so much, I'd rather live with the pain of losing my child rather than losing you"_

_"What if it was Parker? Or Penny? Or one of the twins? Would you still want me to live over them or is it just easier with a baby you haven't met yet?" _

_"God, I hope I'd never have to face that. I don't know what to tell you Lynette. But yes, it's easier because I never met her. I mean, god, Lynette just a few months ago she wasn't even a human being. You can't compare her to our kids. But really, I don't know what my choice would be. But don't you get it? Really? I love you. I love you so much I can't live without you. I love you so much I sat here yesterday and listened as you told me how much you hate me. I love you so much that I stayed, all night, that I held you when you cried and that I promised myself I wouldn't leave you unless you wanted me to." _

_"I… I get it. I do. I just can't look at you and I just can't forget the choice you made, no matter how justified it might look in your eyes."_

_"So why did you kiss me Lynette?" _

_"I don't know Tom. I don't know. I'm trying to find myself and there was a time where you were the most certain thing in my life. I guess I was just trying to get past my resentment and get that back, because if I don't have you to lean on, to count on that you'd always be here, then I'm screwed. And I really need something to make me feel safe in this world that keeps on collapsing on me, but I'm losing my grip and I feel like I'm falling into this big black hole and sooner or later I'm gonna hit the ground. So I kissed you in the hopes it would stop my fall" _

_"And did it?"_

_"I think it just gave me few moments to catch my breath before I got another slap from reality" _

_"So you still hate me…"_

_"I…" _She wanted to contradict him. Her head was screaming to her to tell him she loves him more than anything but she couldn't let go of this need to blame someone. So she said nothing more and he felt the knife she put in his heart yesterday going deeper and deeper into his body. But he wouldn't leave her, she never asked him to.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Thanks for all the reviews! I'd really love to hear what you think!

The flashback in this update takes place at episode 602, when Lynette comes home after talking to Susan about her pregnancy.

[…]

_She came back from the hospital late that night. She walked straight to their room, closing the door behind her. She sat on the bed sighing. Tom heard her and came out of the bathroom. _

"_Hey" he smiled._

"_Hey" she smiled back._

"_How is she?" Tom asked._

"_They say she's going to be ok, they're waiting for her to wake up" Lynette answered._

"_And Susan?" _

_Lynette smiled. "She'll be ok too"._

_Tom smiled back. He slowly sat down on bed next to her and took her hand in his. "And what about us?" _

"_We… We need to work things up a little" she whispered._

"_I know. I'm sorry about this morning, you asked me not to push you and it's exactly what I did."_

"_No, Tom, it's not just about this morning. It's about everything with this pregnancy. I need you to understand what I'm going through. Tom, I was so certain we wouldn't have any more kids after Penny. And we both settled into things we wanted to do. I thought at first my cancer was back and then when I found out I'm pregnant, I don't know, I guess I kinda wished it was cancer and not this. And I know, it's a horrible thing to say. But I can't and don't want to do this again. Or at least that's how I felt before. Because you see, Tom, for me kids were something I wanted but I never wanted a big family. And all four of them just happened, but they happened at the right time so it fit with our lives and it was ok. But now it doesn't. I was done. They're all grown up now, and we can finally get ourselves back a little. I thought I would never have to be pregnant again and now I finally got a job and you're at school, we're past this. And I couldn't stop thinking why am I doing this. We have kids and we're happy and we don't need anything more, so why am I doing this?"_

_Tom listened carefully to her words and he slowly began to realize it was much bigger than he pictured it. He thought Lynette just didn't get used to the idea of having more kids and assumed that soon enough she'd get herself together and see how great it is, just like he did. But there was much more to this than just having to quit your job, or having to raise two newborns. She really didn't want to be pregnant, and for the first time ever he couldn't say anything but wonder if there's anything he could do to make her change her mind._

_"Why then?" He finally asked, hesitant._

_"Because they're my children. I would never ever be able to forgive myself if I'll do something to stop this pregnancy. I don't want this, and I really don't have to, not at my age, not after having children. But then I try and picture my life a year or so from now and all I can see is us sitting in the back yard nursing two little babies. And when Susan and I were at the hospital and she talked to me about how afraid she is of losing Julie, I suddenly realized I was so concerned about how am I going to make this work that I didn't even think about what would I do if something happened to them. And I know, it's going to change everything all over again, and I believe it's going to be a lot harder than it was before, but they're my children, all of them, and there's nothing in the world I want more than to have them. So I don't care about anything but this. Children are a gift, in spite of everything."_

_It took just a second for his expression to change. His lips curved up into a huge smile, his eyes lit up with joy. There was nothing he wanted to hear more than what she just said. He pinned her down to bed and lied on top of her, kissing every part of her face and neck as she giggled. He promised her he would be there to help her with everything, that she wouldn't have to do this alone. He whispered in her ear sweet loving words and she responded back, both of them knowing they really needed to get past this to come back to each other._

[…]

Tom used the time Lynette was resting to call Gabby. Her friends knew she lost the baby but they all figured she needs Tom and Tom only. So they sent flowers and comforting cards but chose not to come for a visit, at least not so soon. But Tom called. He said something about Lynette needing someone to talk to. So Gabby dropped everything she was doing and went to the hospital to visit Lynette. She found her room and slowly opened the door to find Lynette with her back facing Tom and a terrible silence hovering around the room.

_"Hey" _she said.

Both Tom and Lynette turned around and it was obvious they're both happy to see her.

_"Hey!" _Lynette said and smiled infirmly.

Tom greeted her too and then stood up and said something about going to the cafeteria downstairs and left the room.

"_So…." _Gabby said and took hold of Lynette's arm. _"What's going on with you two?" _she asked.

"_Is it that obvious?" _

"_No, you could totally ignore the chill in the room! Lynette, he called me, he said he thinks I should come here and talk to you. So tell me what's going on, and don't make it just about the baby, we both know it's much much more than that" _

"_Um… We, Tom and I , are going through something."_

"_Lynette, what?" _

"_Nothing, it's just that I think he's the one to blame for what happened. Paige is dead because of him"_

"_Lynnie, how can you say that?" _

"_Because…"_

"_Because what? He loves you more than anything! And he was so excited about Paige, you should've heard him talk about her to anyone who listened. He called me when you were in surgery, he was so worried. He told me about Eddie and how he found you and he talked about how afraid he is of losing you"_

"_Yes, of losing me. He couldn't care less about losing Paige." _Lynette sighed.

"_Lynette… Paige was never the one in danger. And besides, come on, be honest, what would you have done if you were in his shoes? Of course he's afraid of losing you. He spent most of his life with you! You can't expect him to make peace with the idea of losing you!"_

"_I know. I know, and you're right. But it's easier to blame him than to talk to him about how much it hurts to lose her. And I'm so angry!"_

"_So you take it out on him? Lynnie, sweetie, you need him. You love him too much to let him slip away from you. And you know you can't live without him, so why are you pushing him away? You need him now more than ever."_

"_But I can't. Every time I want to tell him how sorry I am for all the horrible things I said to him, I remember Paige and that she should've been here now, not me. And I just can't tell him how I feel. So I shut myself and push him away, it's just easier that way."_

"_And you're ok with pushing him? Aren't you afraid he'd leave?"_

Lynette wanted to answer. She wanted to tell Gabby that she hates the distance between her and Tom. She wanted to cry about how much she misses his touch. She wanted to scream, more for her ears than to anyone else's, that she loves him and that if he'd leave her because of what she was doing, she'd hate herself for the rest of her life. But Tom walked back into the room and all the anger she wanted so badly to put aside flared up again and she just swallowed back her words and said nothing.

Gabby realized she should go and leave them alone. Maybe they would talk, she thought. She stood up and hugged Lynette, whispering that she should be strong and that she loves her. She gave Tom a light hug and whispered _"Kiss her" _and then she left. They were left alone, once again, with the silence that filled the space between them, with the desperate need to go back to each other.

But he decided to listen to what Gabby said. He was angry, and hurt, but maybe, just maybe, if he gave her a real, genuine kiss she would stop resenting him so much. He walked over to her bed and watched her as she did everything she could to avoid his eyes. He brushed his fingers through her hair and she slowly closed her eyes. He bent down to her ear and placed a soft kiss in her hair.

"_I know you hate me, but I love you more than you could ever imagine, more than anyone could ever love you" _He whispered and then slowly kissed her lips, the familiar sensation already running through his body. She didn't push him away. She allowed him to come closer, even for just a while. She chose not to stop the tears, but neither did he. His hands wrapped around her and she didn't resist. It felt like before, before everything changed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer**: Once again, this is not mine.

**A/N**: I'm so sorry for taking sooo long updating this. I don't like this chapter but I hope you will:) Thanks again to all of you who are commenting here, you're all amazing! Please review this too:)

[…]

Lynette was released from the hospital. No one dared to ask if she's going back home, and if Tom was going with her, and she never thought about bringing this up. She had to go home and she had to go home with him. She still didn't want them to break up, no matter how painful this situation was for them. After all, they were barely speaking. But he was her husband, and in spite of everything she couldn't live without him. And he, he promised her he wouldn't leave unless she asked him to.

He took her home and helped her up the stairs to their bedroom. She was in a lot of pain but there really wasn't much to do. Their room was still hosting baby clothes and the crib they bought. They were supposed to bring a baby home back from the hospital and Tom was barely at home to give it enough thought to actually take all these things out of the room. It hit him that everything was still there when they entered the room and she froze. He was mad at himself for being so inconsiderate, but he kinda wished it would get her to talk, to cry, to do something that might bring them closer to each other. But she did nothing. After a few moments she began walking to their bed, not saying a word to him. It was so much easier to cry later than to do it now when he was there.

"_You need anything?" _Tom asked as she settled in bed.

"_No. I'm ok, thanks"_

"_Then I'll be downstairs"___he said as he headed towards the door.

She waited a long five minutes before she got out of bed and slowly limped to their closet where she kept all the clothes she bought. She took them all out, looking at them as if she never saw them before. They were supposed to cover her tiny body right now she thought to herself. She managed to get to the crib before she began sobbing. It hurt too much to know everything was still standing and nothing changed except for Paige being dead when she should've been alive.

She cried for quite a while before Tom decided to go upstairs and check on her. The door was closer but he heard her crying. He could picture her standing next to the crib, leaning against it, crying. He closed his eyes and his hand lightly touched the door, wondering if he should come in or not. He opened the door carefully and entered the room, finding Lynette just as he thought he would. He walked over to her and rested his hand on her back only to open his arms seconds later to welcome her to his embrace. She threw her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. He kissed the top of her head and whispered that everything would be ok, that everything would hurt a little less with time.

When she finally stopped crying she took a step back and left his hold. She mumbled something about going to sleep and he knew it was her way of asking him to leave her alone. He left the room and she slowly sat back in bed. She took out a notebook from her first drawer and a pen and began writing.

"_Dear Paige,_

_God, I don't even know why I'm addressing this to you, you can't read and you'll never learn how to. But I don't know, maybe if I'll write to you it would make everything less horrifying, less suffocating. _

_I'm holding a notebook carrying your name right now, instead of holding you in my arms and nursing you. I can't believe I never got the chance to meet you. I can't believe we never exchanged looks, that I didn't kiss your tiny hands. I can't believe you're not here right now. I carried you for 9 months and I couldn't wait for the day I'd meet you, but something went terribly wrong along the way and now I'm here but you're not. And there's no one to wear all the beautiful clothes I picked carefully just for you, and your crib is empty and I only wake up to the sound of complete silence every night. _

_It's such a horrible thing to know that I'm here when you should've been, to know that you won't ever get to see the daylight when I already accomplished a few things in life. And life, you lost them before you even got them. And I can't live with that. With losing you, with knowing what you could've been if nothing had happened. This is just too much for me, too much to handle. _

_Paige, this is too much to deal with without you. _

_Love, _

_Mom._

She walked to their closet and took out a bag, packing some clothes and the notebook and placed the bag under the bed. Tonight, after the kids are all in bed and Tom's sound asleep, she'd slip out of bed and run away to a place where she felt safe, to a place where nothing could go wrong. She couldn't stay where she was anymore, not with all the memories, not with all the sorrow around her. She had to leave, to get away, she had to find a little breathing air.

She crawled under the blanket and closed her eyes, trying as hard as she could to erase every image she had in her mind. She kept thinking if she should leave Tom a note that she's going and that he should look for her or not, but in some place, deep down, she really wished he'd come looking for her. In some place, deep down, she really wished he'd find her and bring her back down.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **I'm really just keeping myself busy. It's not mine.

**A/N**: Thank you for the reviews! You guys are awesome! Comments=Love so please review this one too!

[…]

The sun was already shinning and Tom turned around in bed. It was the first night in so long he slept so well, in his own bed. He thought she was in bed with him, and that this was just another reason for this great sleep, but as he turned around and saw the empty bed he was startled. He looked everywhere: she wasn't taking a shower, she wasn't making breakfast. She wasn't hiding somewhere crying. She wasn't at Paige's grave. She was nowhere to be found. Her car was there, her cell phone too. He hoped she didn't get far enough but he opened her closet to find so many of her clothes missing. And no note. Not a single clue to where she might be. Gone, gone, gone.

[…]

She took a taxi to the bus station and then a bus to where she was heading. It's been a long time since she'd been there. Her secret hiding place, where she used to run to all the time. Growing up with her mother, in her family, she had to have some place she could run off to, some place no one would ever find her. Once, on one of her dates with Tom, when she knew they're getting really serious, she decided to take him there. The only person she let into her sacred place, the only person she truly let into her soul.

It was beautiful. She was the only one who actually found a way to get up there, so she knew for sure no one would ever find her. It was high, in the mountain. Looking at the valley where she used to picture a different life. She could see the whole world from there. It was always cool out there, but she never felt it. It felt safe and warm, it was hers.

Now, after so many years of not going there, she was actually surprised to see the place hadn't changed a bit. It still had the same familiar smell, the whistling sound of the wind. Her foot print she once made in the mud was still there, as if the rain never touched this spot. She remembered how Tom and her made love under her favorite tree, how perfect it was. How his touch over her body was so light, yet so loving. How she revealed every little secret she ever had and how slowly and carefully he peeled out all the layers that kept her protected from the world, and just got right to the bottom of her, to knowing her completely. And how he still whispered that he loves her, in spite of it all. And, god, she could never forget the realization in that moment that she would spend the rest of her life with this man.

It was so long ago. So many things had changed since. She went through so much, yet never in her life with Tom had she felt the need to come back to this place. He always provided her with everything she needed, safety and reassurance. And now, something was driving her right back to this, right back to closing up to the world again, to covering herself with lies she never believed, with dreams of a better life that never came true. But one dream from her childhood came true- she found the love of her life and he rescued her. He gave her the life she always wanted and he never wavered to show her just how much he loves her. And, god, she knew just how much.

She sat down at her favorite place and smiled as she felt how perfectly it still fits to her body. She took out her notebook, running her fingers on the letters that said "Paige".

"_My baby,_

_Oh my sweet little child. I can't believe that I'm where I am right now. I always thought that when you'll grow up, I'll take you here, share stories about this place with you. I always hoped you'd tell me you don't need a place to run to because you're happy just where you are with us. _

_I guess if I'm here it means I'm not happy at home. And I'm really not. Because, you see, everything was supposed to be one way, with you. And now you're gone but things are what they were meant to be, cause you were meant to be here. God, if only I was stronger then maybe I could've handle this a lot better instead of just running away. If only I was stronger to not blame your father for your death. Oh, Paige, your father. I can't believe you never got to meet him. He's… Amazing. You would've loved him, so much, and you two would've gotten along so great if life only gave us the chance. Life. But I can't be mad at life. I need something real, and he's, it's… I… he was my safety, and I guess now I need him to be my saver. _

_I can't promise you that I'll ever go back home. I hope he'll come looking for me, because then it means he really knows me inside out. I can't promise you I'm not driving myself off a cliff, that I'm not breaking everything I ever built. I can only promise you I will try. I will try to stop the grief from taking over me. I will try to go on with my life. But I will never forget, and I will never let you go. I will always miss you. We all will. _

_Loving you forever,_

_Mom"_

[…]

It was dark again, and he spent the entire day looking for her. No sign of her. He thought her friends would know but Gabby told him, he's the one who knows her best and if he doesn't know then Lynette's in real trouble.

"_Think"_ he kept telling himself. _"Where could she go?"_ but nothing. Nothing came to his mind. She never ever left home, she never ever ran away. Not from him, not ever since she let him in.

He opened his drawer, first scanning it with his eyes and then actually taking almost everything out of it. There it was, his little box of memories. When he started dating Lynette he decided to make this box, he figured it would be a nice present for her someday. But when they moved to this house, he shoved it into his drawer and forgot it was even there. But now he needed any help he could get, and the answer might be in these memories.

From their first date, he asked for the note carrying their names for the reservations at the restaurant. From their second, he kept the movie tickets. Those were little things, but their little things. He found the little piece from what used to be a blanket, and he remembered. They lied on that blanket at this wonderful place, under the moon light. His arms were wrapped around her body, his fingers tracing her bare back. It was the perfect night. She stripped naked, her soul, her mind, her heart. And he covered her with his love, with his touch, with his reliance. And he realized then, that not only would he spend the rest of his life with her, but he had a new job- protecting her and making sure she would never feel the need to go back to this place.

"_Did I just drive her back there?"_ he asked, but really there was no one there to answer. He had to go find the answers on his own, he had to go looking for her. He wanted to find her, but, god, how he wished she wasn't at that place. That would mean he failed so miserably keeping the promise. That would mean he's no longer her safety and that would truly break him apart.


	11. Chapter 11

[…]

"_So, did I make a mistake letting you plan this date?" Tom teased her._

"_No, no. I have a great idea, don't worry!" She smiled and pulled him, wanting him to follow her._

_It was dark already but the sky was bright, and the air was fresh. She slowly scanned the area they were in and for a second Tom thought they were lost. He was never there before. She spotted what she was looking for and dragged him after her again. He followed, obediently, trusting her completely. They've been together for a few months now, dating. They both knew it's more than that but none of them seized to define what it really was. Tom was in a serious relationship for too long and Lynette, well, she refused to admit she's getting more and more attached to him. _

"_Are you ready?" she asked. They were standing near practically nothing. Just a rock, that had nothing special about it._

"_Ready for what?" he hesitated._

"_Climbing, up there" she pointed to the cliff above them._

"_You serious? There's no way we can climb there!"_

"_Watch and learn, Scavo" she giggled and began climbing the rock. _

"_How many times have you done that?" Tom shouted, surprised to see how well trained she was at this._

"_Hmm, I don't know, I guess since I was 10 maybe younger. You coming?"_

_He reached her after a few minutes, panting. _

"_You're not in shape Scavo!" she laughed._

"_I'd say" he laughed and pulled her in to his embrace, pecking her lips. "So you mind telling me where are we and what are we doing here?"_

_He look got serious all of a sudden and she slipped out of his arms. He wondered what was it that he said that caused this change. She began pacing back and forth, struggling with herself. _

"_Lynette?" _

"_Yeah. Give me a minute, I didn't think it would be so hard." _

_It was a long five minutes before she finally stood still, in front of him, and began talking. "You don't know my mom. For a reason. I never talk about her or about my childhood and I've seen that questioning look you get whenever you pull out a childhood memory and I change the subject. But you never asked me about it, and I love you for that. Because you see, for me, this is the time I wish I could erase from my past. But you need to know. You need to know because it's part of me and it's what made me who I am. You need to know because I need you to know everything about me, even if it means I'm baring myself so much I can't escape from you even if I wanted to. I need you to know because my god I'm falling so hard for you."_

_Tom listened carefully as the words left her mouth. He was going to get some answers tonight but he knew that no matter what, it would only make him love her more. He took out the blanket they brought with them and laid it on the ground. He sat down and pulled her arm and she reluctantly sat down next to him. He took grip of her hands and she knew he's ready to listen. Now she just had to tell him._

_When she finished he sat there in complete silence. He never took his eyes off of hers. He wiped the tears that ran down her cheeks and smiled. A soft, genuine smile, because he knew that from that moment on there was no going back. He was going to save her, from everything and from nothing at all. He was going to love her, in spite of everything and because of everything. He was going to make her feel safe, because she never felt safe in her life. _

_He wrapped his hand around her neck and pulled her to him, kissing her forehead, her cheeks, her eyes, her nose and finally her lips. There were words that were left hanging in the air, simply because there was no need in saying them out loud. There were tears that weren't stopped because it was the first time someone caught them. And there was peace, for the first time ever in her life, and acceptance, from someone she never thought she would find. And it was only natural that she let herself fall into him completely, making love to him in this one place that was her safety, with this one man she knew she would love forever._


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Desperate Housewives. Sorry.

**A/N**: Ok so this is finally the last chapter for this fic. I loved writing it but at some point it was too much. I just hope I didn't mess it up. Thanks everyone for sticking with me and for commenting! Hope you'll like this last chapter, please tell me what you think!

[…]

"_Life doesn't promise a bed of roses__" _Tom whispered. He found her sitting at the edge of the cliff, staring at the clear blue sky. She was thinking, probably about Paige. The rise and fall of her breath seemed to match the rhythm of the wind, and it only made him wonder how long she's been sitting at that same spot.

"_How did you find me?" _she asked, not turning around yet.

He walked over to her, sitting on the floor next to her. If anything would've been different, he would've hugged her and tell her just how much he missed her and that she should never leave him again. _"I know you a lot more than you give me credit for Lynette"_.

She sighed. He was right. That's why he didn't walk away when she said she hated him, that's why he tried to give her space and that's why he followed her all the way to where she was just to bring her back home. She looked at him, finally, and she was somewhat surprised to see how peaceful his eyes were. It took her a moment to recognize the fear in his eyes, the uncertainty she made him feel.

"_I failed. You're here, so it means that I've failed. And I would do anything to fix it, to make you want to come back to my arms instead of coming here. But I promised myself I wouldn't push you. I'll just wait, patiently, until you remember again what we used to be. But for now, let me just say that I'm sorry I failed. It was a promise I made but couldn't keep, and I have no excuse. Life made it hard but we were never supposed to fall apart. And I've let you down when you needed me the most."_

She rested her hand on his arm _"Tom, you haven't. I, um…"_

"_You hate me. I know, I remember. But I should've done more to make you feel safe at home, in spite of everything."_

"_I don't hate you"_ she whispered so quietly he could've sworn he was dreaming.

"_What?"_

"_I don't hate you, Tom. I could never hate you. I hate that I lost her, and I hate that I'm here and she's not, and I hate that I couldn't control any of this, and I hate that I blamed you for something you didn't do. I hate so many things about where I am at this point, but you, I love you. I love you that I took it all out on you when I should've relied on you. I love you that I think I ran here just to see if you'll come find me. I love you, and I ran away, because I needed a reminder of what I was before I fell for you."_

They shared a look, a deep, penetrate look. And then he slowly caressed her skin, and she slowly closed her eyes, and they both suddenly felt as if nothing ever happened.

He moved closer to her, daring to kiss her, and she responded kindly, daring to open up to him. And as their tears mixed up, she let herself fall completely into his arms and forget, just for the slightest second, that everything hurt too much.

"_I'm so sorry about everything" _Lynette said and began sobbing. She was keeping it all in, as if it would make this easier. But it didn't. And Tom was there, and he listened and all she needed was this. Just letting it all out. Breaking. Admitting this terrible pain. And facing the cold reality that he was feeling exactly the same and there's nothing neither of them can do to fix it. They just have to wait it out, and hope that in time it would hurt just a little less.

"_Don't. It's ok. We're going to be ok"_ he whispered and kissed her hair.

They lied on the ground, the sun above them reminding them of better days. As he fell asleep she slipped his arms and took out her notebook.

"_Dear Paige,_

_He came._

_Love,_

_Mom"_

He took her back home that night and held her hand through the whole drive. It was a simple gesture but it made a difference, for both of them. And it meant that no matter what, together they could go through anything. It's raining harder now, but at the end it's just a sky of silver grey.

_-Fin-_


End file.
